Everything.

Contrary to the title, I cannot tell you everything. I cannot tell you what I feel, or want to feel, or how I feel at this very moment. It's just so damn hard.

Firstly, High School is irrelevant to anything. I don't feel like we're learning the right things enough to be sufficient in anything. The teachers don't know what's really going on, and don't know what the education system's doing to them.

I will not criticize people though, for fear of higher powers.

Anyway,

Sometimes I feel like I'm in an enclosed box.

I used to deal with this in Junior High by becoming depressed and looking for a better life-
the life I read in novels.

For some unknown reason, I always wanted to be that heroin.

It's the little things that set me off- like watching a simple movie, or reading some popular superhero novel. You don't know how much I yearned for something like that.


It's hard for me to share things with you, because I cannot give you the whole story. If I gave you the whole story, I'd be in trouble.

However, I can tell you the things about myself.

Starting from the little things,

I don't know what it is about guys. I don't like girls, that's for sure, but.. for some reason, I can't find the right one. It sounds terrible, but none of them seem sufficient, and I don't know why. I can't have a high school relationship because I can't like any of the guys enough to actually want to date them- or at least follow through with them.

When the post-talking stage begins, then comes the yelling.

I've been called many, many horrible names from people, been called out on so many uncalled things, and I fear I am becoming a bad person for ignoring them.
But I can't help it.

High school, in general, is just a big joke. I feel like I'm wasting my time.

Most people don't get me. I'm abstruse, and they just don't understand that the perky, excited persona I put on is just a cover-up. Not that I'm fake, it's just that I'm only showing you ten percent of me. The other ninety percent I'm just keeping to myself. The part that most of you will never see.

What most people don't know about me is that I'm highly spiritual. I'm not saying that I'm a devout catholic who goes to church every Sunday and sings hymns with powerful gusto, while praying for eight hours straight at a time- but I'm not sure you'll understand what I explain. But I'm going to try to explain it in the best way that I can.
You'll think I'm crazy, but here goes:

Meditation. I do believe in it. When I do meditate, it brings me to a whole new world entirely, somewhere far better than here. I'm not saying that I don't love this life, because it has its ups and downs, I'm just saying that this is just a temporary stop over the course of our real lives where we may have to suffer a bit before we get to the next haven with the knowledge we have now learned.

Again, you may not understand this, but I can only give you my best description.